I’m so grateful that I have the opportunity to do 12 short films for 2014. I’m seriously learning so much. Be jealous. Knowledge is power and I’m whoring up with all the knowledge right now.
On the real though, I’ve been feeling stuck. In a rut type stuck. I’d make my little weekly show all alone in my house. It’s isolating and lonely and with the way youtube is (quantity over quality) I had no incentive to just… do better. Have higher production value. Make better shit. Write myself roles instead of hiding behind an exaggerated version of my performer personality.
I’ve been catering to a view count, not the artist that I want to be. Granted I still try to give everything I do a message, there are times I admit I wasn’t striving above mediocrity. Times where I was even settling for it.
In fact, I’m embarrassed when someone says they’ve seen my youtube videos. Legitimately embarrassed. I always laugh it off and go, “Oh no! Don’t watch those!” But on the inside I cringe.
I want content out here that I’m proud of. Stories that I can point to and proudly say Oh yeah, I wrote that. I directed that. That’s me. Content that I can honestly accept a compliment on.
Don’t get me wrong — there’s nothing wrong with vlogging. I’m talking from my own personal journey. When my show became nothing more than a way to pay for classes, the fun went out of it. I didn’t look forward to filming anymore. I didn’t feel creative. I didn’t feel excited. And that’s no way to be. Performing is my career. I better damn well love it even when it’s work. *Especially* when it’s work.
If you’re feeling stuck, change it, man. Challenge yourself! Grow! Watch things that inspire you to make something amazing! Remind yourself that Breaking Bad exists as a masterpiece of television, and will continue to hold the throne until you make something revolutionary!
You can do better. I can do better.
Let’s do better.
(I really, really, really miss Breaking Bad. Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking about it. Anyone else?)
If you read the description, you’d see the following:
To clarify: Assertiveness, risk taking, and other ballsy behaviors are not male exclusive, but men are rewarded for these traits more than women. I’m not saying men are superior, hell no, but that we should adopt the behaviors they’re told to exhibit from the beginning.